When was the last time you gave yourself permission to not be anything? To live in a space and time completely undefined.
When we’re moving through a period in life of significant transition...
Transition in or out of a relationship
Transition into a relationship with ourselves
Transition into a better understanding of who we are
Transitions into redefining who we are
We so often rush it. We don’t like being in that space, where everything is undefined, nothing “makes sense” in a traditional way.
If you’ve recently been through a trying time or you’re in a trying time.
If you’re just out of a significant relationship or so effing over the way relationships, have been panning out for you.
I want to encourage you to do something really “crazy.”
I want you to take an entire year off. I don’t mean quit your job and run away to an island somewhere necessarily.
I want you to take an entire year not to define any relationship other than your one to self. Even then, don’t necessarily focus on self-work in the traditional sense.
Take one year to put aside all expectations in dating, familial relationships, even friendships.
Take one year just to exist.
Don’t worry about “wasting time” that’s impossible, it’s going to work out how it will.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay present in the space that’s created when you’re not pushing towards achieving something.
Be in the space, a bit lost even.
When you’re in this space, lessons naturally happen.
When you take the pressure off, you get to be free. And often, as you’re moving through troubling times in any relationship (including your connection to self), you need that pressure to be released. You absolutely need freedom even though it’s a bit scary.
So take a year to let yourself be absolutely free of requirements.
You don’t need to start dating again right away.
You don’t need to try to mend a bridge.
You don’t need to read nine self-help books and “get better.”
You need simply to exist.
Allow your life to get sloppy, allow yourself late nights and early mornings.
Allow yourself to do something “crazy” that you have always had an inkling to do.
Think of it as a year-long “spring break” let yourself go, let yourself live.
Be in the beautiful uncertainty that is your life. There is no wrong move, no choice is fatal or a sentence to live a certain way for forever.
You are ok, you are safe, take time.
Once you do this work, you will find you’re so much more in-tune with yourself. You’ll even move through phases faster. You’ll discover the things you do that are unhealthy and what’s healthy.
You’ll have space to play and understand what is going on for YOU in each moment.
When you allow yourself a year of no constant growth, you’ll take off like a rocket.
You’ll be in a place of frustration, of love, of fun, of creativity. And all of it is ok as it comes to you. Because it doesn’t need to be anything but what it is.
Living in truth like this, open truth for the moment, allows you to be so much more present with yourself.
So how can you do this?
Make a simple promise to yourself and set a handful of guardrails.
Promise: I will not engage in unhealthy relationships but instead will play without dedication to a specific outcome. I will avoid what I know is unhealthy for me, spiritually and physically. I will allow myself to play with connections to people. Never forcing, only allowing.
Set up guardrails like:
- Can date but nothing serious Must have solo time each week
- Do one thing each month on my “nothing bucket list” (go do a thing you’ve always wanted, see a band you love etc.)
- Have FUN whenever possible
- Spend time like its spring break, allow yourself to sit in moments like long mornings and lazy afternoons
Set this up and see what happens.
I can promise you one thing if you are open to this and check yourself when you start forcing change or falling into old patterns...When you embrace the year of absolutely nothing...you will feel freedom and joy and connection to self you haven’t ever felt before.
So what are you waiting for?