Updated: Oct 28, 2019
This month I'm focusing on how we live as our vulnerable self in relationships and in our lives in general. I share with you a meditation to allow your vulnerable self to be present in every part of your life, without feeling totally exposed or at risk of being hurt.
Phase three of the Arch of Relationship Growth is all about being vulnerable as this new you. You've realized where it is you get stuck, you're frustrated by the lack of change and you're starting to create change in your life. As you start to change you'll start relating to those in your life differently. And you'll be tempted to fall back into old patterns because they feel less scary.
It's freaking terrifying to be doing something different, I've been there. So how do you own the vulnerable new self, the self that FEELS better to be in but also feels so scary to live out because you are living for yourself and as your TRUE self for the first time, most likely.
That's where the permeable wall comes in. You're going to start making a change and taking action and you're going to feel vulnerable as all get out. The permeable wall allows you to feel less vulnerable while still being this new you. It's a meditation that I take my clients through and use myself quite often.
Below I’ll walk you through the steps of this work if you’d like an audio recording of this sign up for my newsletter [link] that will be coming out later this month.
The Permeable Wall is a bubble of sorts, or if you're a fan of Star Wars, it's a force field. It surrounds you at all times and moves with you, lying about 2 feet outside of your body it consistently moves with you in life. The Permeable Wall allows you to feel what others are sharing, to identify, empathize and connect with those in your life and it allows you to share with them how you're feeling. What it doesn't allow is for your energy and your true self to be sucked away from you in those moments.
Using this wall allows you to keep your true self without the fear of being hurt or taken advantage of when around people or in specific situations that typically cause you fear or anxiety. It also stops those negative feelings and individuals that do nothing but suck the fun out of the room. Or those that look at you and make you want to shrink and say "Sorry that wasn’t me, I'm just like you want me to be.” The Permeable Wall allows YOU to be fully YOU while interacting with others who you know could bring down your vibe.
This is a tool I recommend my clients to use often when they're first finding their footing as who they truly are. It's indispensable in helping you find the space to exist as your true self in the world and situations that currently exist. Because we all know as change comes from the inside out, which means you're living as the new you in the old you's world for quite a while before all the shifts happen.
So here’s how you activate it.
Go into your normal self-care/self-support practice. This could be a walk, meditating, yoga -- you name it.
Once you finish sit upright in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
Take four deep breaths in and out to the count of four - “in, two, three, four” hold “out, two, three, four”
Now imagine who you are, who you truly WANT to be. How does that feel, wherein your body do you feel a release, warmth of openness developing?
Now imagine a bubble of light surrounding you, with plenty of room to move within it. You can reach out and feel it. It’s soft and moves with you. You can push your arm through it but it won’t allow anything in.
This bubble feels warm and comforting, sit in its light and comfort. Continue to breathe deeply.
Imagine how you would feel interacting with someone who typically triggers you to feel vulnerable. This time instead of their energy coming back and affecting you it simply bounces off the bubble.
Continue to breathe deeply and feel the comfort in being fully yourself in this situation.
Now focus back in on the bubble and its strength, it will not break no matter how you stretch it, or what you come in contact with.
Repeat “I trust in myself and the strength of my vulnerability.” as many times as feels comfortable to you.
Close with four more deep breaths with a four-count inhale and exhale.
Open your eyes, refreshed and trusting in the permeable wall you’ve established.
Do this meditation as often as you need. I’d recommend doing it daily for at least a week or two to get used to the feeling and keep it top of mind. As you continue to use this tool, you can work it into your life as needed. I frequently use it now as I’m heading into meetings or social events where I think I’ll feel some anxiety or pressure.
You will be in phase three in some area of your life for a long time. It’s the beauty of this human experience, learning to be vulnerable and your truest self with ALL the individuals and situations you encounter. It truly is one of the most exciting and scary experiences in life.
Let me know how this works for you, what you’re finding as you live as your vulnerable self in life.