Updated: Oct 28, 2019
Today I'm celebrating my 33rd birthday, 33 trips around the sun on this planet, in this body. 33 years to experience, love, grow, hurt and heal. And I celebrate about 20 years of knowing what I was put on this earth to experience. Little did I know, when I made this deal with the Universe, that I was going to use this experience to help you. That being here, sharing and coaching is truly what my life's purpose is all about.
When I was young, 13 or 14 years old, I was out on one of my many walks in the woods and I made a deal with the Universe. Sitting on top of my favorite dune overlooking the lake, it was late fall with only a few leaves still rustling on the trees, I stared out over the Lake Michigan and said:
"I want to experience every type of love out there. I want to fall in puppy love, in deep love, feel the love of being a mom, feel the heartbreak of unrequited love, to break someone's heart, I want to feel it all. I'll be open and welcoming to them all, I won't ever curse you for the type of experience you send my way when it comes to love. As long as I get to experience it all."
It was one of those rare moments in time and space where you just put it all out there and speak so honestly to the Universe that it's simply destined to come true.
And come true it has. I've been lucky to know so many kinds of love in my life, the varying intensities of romantic love, the love of friends, family, my friends children, utter heartbreak that sucks the wind right out of you and the sadness that comes when you know you're hurting someone you care for so much.
This has been a blessing, to experience so much of life and live with a heart that opens up easily. At times I've felt like it's a curse, because breaking the patterns of certain kinds of love is hard. Ending the habit of being a caregiver, of co-dependency in a relationship it's truly heartbreaking to change and put yourself first. And that's yet a different kind of love...
I've reflected on this request to the Universe a handful of times over the years. Sometimes I've cursed this request, sometimes I've celebrated it. Every time, I knew that it was going to give me the experience I needed to live my fullest life.
And that fullest life is here with you. The fact that I've had the experience I've had in relationships allows me to support you.
I know intimately what it feels like to struggle with a parental figure and not know where or how you fit together.
I have been in that relationship that "should be it" but isn't, and I've found my path out to greater happiness.
I've been heartbroken and confused by gas-lighting behaviors and men that promise one thing, do another and then Jedi Mind Trick you back into loving them again.
I've lost friends and didn't understand the cause, having to heal on my own without closure.
I've had to step away from toxic friendships that only brought me down.
Through all of these experiences I've known in my heart of hearts that what I was going through was FOR something. It was for you. So that I can be of service now, so that I can show up for you and help you to wade through the hurt, the pain, the loneliness and the fear.
I wish above all else that you're able to find grace and peace in the knowledge that what you're going through now is central to your development. And you're control of how you wish to move forward from these relationships.
If this resonates with you, if you