What to do When Your Life is "Falling Apart"

You have the opportunity before you, but it really just looks like dead ends, terrifying endings, or complete unknowns.

Maybe your job is shifting, or you realize you need a new one but can’t find one to save your life. Or perhaps you’re in a relationship and realize that it’s not fitting the you who you currently are. You know that something has shifted, and you can’t tell if it means you need to leave or need to work on it differently.

You don’t even feel at home in your home or city anymore.

Everything feels off, dissonant from what you want. It’s uncomfortable, like your skin is crawling, or you’ve become a square peg in the round hole of your life.

Part of you wishes you could disappear into the night and move a thousand miles away and wake up in a new life, any life but this one.

Darling, I have been there.

It’s so hard to see when you’re in the thick of the moment, but this moment is for YOU, and it’s your intuition and your soul coming to the surface in such a strong way that it will not be ignored anymore.

This level of discomfort is the ultimate in personal growing pains. More often than not, if you haven’t been paying attention to the signs, you’re feeling this so strongly because your soul had no other choice than to get you this uncomfortable to get your attention.

FUCK, so what do you do when you’re here?

Start with these steps, feel the release, and THEN you can start moving forward.

You need to back off of everything. If it feels stressful or untrue to you, stop doing it, or find a counterbalance. I realize when this happens with your job, it’s hard to just up and quit your job, but you can find a counterbalance.

1. The first thing I want you to do is to take the pressure off. Stop trying to force the answer to the question. Stop applying to every job you see. Stop trying to push your significant other into doing things or trying to find the answer within yourself. STOP doing everything if it relates to the things in your life that are stressing you out. 

2. Write it all out. Write a note to your life. Seriously you need to get all the noise out of your head if you’re going to get clear on what you need. You need to get the noise and negativity OUT. If writing isn’t your thing go on a long drive and talk to yourself out loud. Again, you need to get it OUT of your mind. That’s the only way to stop cyclical thinking. It can look like this “Dear life, you’re a real pain in the ass right now. I can’t believe you keep delivering low blow after low blow… I’m so resentful of you. How could this be happening? Why did you let ____ turn out the way it did?” Let yourself go, rant, and release. 

3. Ask yourself, “What is it I think I need?” Let your brain answer this one completely - answer with all the tactical stuff that you feel the pressure to be doing. 

4. Ask yourself, “What is it that I really need?” Before you ask this question, get calm. Go take a walk, meditate, see a movie, even have one adult beverage to relax a bit. You need to get to the REAL answer, not the explanation your head gives you. Let this bubble up. It may be weird. It may be something you never thought of before or phrased in a way that sounds really strange. ALLOW it to be what it is and come out of you unfiltered. This is your real answer and truth. 

5. Start to put together a list of things that make you feel good. You’ll use one thing off this list each day to start to get yourself feeling more like you. 

6. Once you get into the routine after a few days of doing one thing a day that feels good to you, ask yourself, “What’s the next right thing for me to do in regards to ____?”. Only ask yourself this if you’re in a stress-free mindset and solely focus on one of the things you’re feeling is off in your life, don’t jump into all of them. If you’re feeling good and calm - ideally right after you’ve done one of the things on your list that leaves you feeling good. Again don’t judge the answer that you get just let it be.

This outline will deliver you calm. It will give you space to start understanding where and why you’re feeling the way you are and help you move in a positive direction. Nothing else is needed — there is no magic pill for the phase that you’re in darling. The most important thing is to get clear on what you need and to allow yourself the space to have it in your life.

And we need real answers here not just “I need a new job” or “I need my significant other to stop being a jerk.” What do you need at a SOUL level? That’s what the steps above will get you clear on.

Take it slow and dedicate yourself to these steps. You may need to do the writing exercise a few times, too, if you have a lot of frustration and resentment piled up.

I would recommend at this phase in your life, you not add any more responsibility or to-dos to your life. The only thing you can make room for is things that make you feel better and like your most authentic self. Make room for play, for nurturing yourself, and for being true to you. If it’s a new responsibility or something you would owe to another person -- let it be. You can’t take care of others until you’re taking care of yourself.

When you start to do this, you will start to feel space in your life. You’ll feel room for you to be you, and clarity will start to come to the parts of your life that have felt frustrating. You’ll begin to understand the purpose of some of these blocks and maybe even see how they’re diverting you toward what you really desire.

This is the foundational work I do with clients who are sitting on the edge of significant shifts in their life. I know it feels hard now, but you are on the edge of a beautiful transition, what you need is to allow it to unfold and to keep showing up as who you really are, not who you used to be or who you think you should be but the real and genuine you.

You can do this, this isn’t too much for you. You are ready for the shift you have to trust that you are and that what is coming is for your highest good.

If this resonated and this work sounds ideal, but you have no idea how to hold yourself accountable to really moving through this - that’s why I’m here. I will hold the mirror up for you and keep you accountable to do the work. We can build a plan to get you living more directly connected to yourself and to stop falling into the old habits and patterns that no longer serve you.

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