Five years ago, today, I ran away from home. If you asked me, I would have said I was just taking some alone time. The reality was that I was wildly unhappy and only just allowing myself to feel into those feelings. I had a job that I wanted to love. Still, it was becoming more unfulfilling as I chased promotions, money, and recognition instead of fulfillment in work. I was in a relationship that I was trying so hard to make work. We were well into living together, and I was having doubts, but I didn't know where to go with them. You can't just give up, right? You have to make it work at some point. When was I going to have kids if I fucked this up at age 28 I'd be way behind the ball if I ditched this relationship now. And so I ran away, thinking some alone time was what I needed to ground myself and feel better about what I had created. Because I knew I had chosen this life, I just wasn't sure why. So I went to Kentucky for a long weekend, I spent time around horses and drank good whiskey and allowed myself to roam freely. I did all the things I love to do, ate meals alone in fun restaurants, went to bars, and struck up conversations with strangers, wrote down all my thoughts and observations. It was freeing, yet I was still not allowing myself to go "there." It wouldn't be for another year+ that I finally let myself go there entirely, but this was the first step. This was the first realization and quiet stirring of my intuition, bringing me back to myself. This seemingly small act of taking a weekend away to just allow myself to come to the surface was the beginning of everything for me. It was the first little nudge to tune back into my intuition. It was scary. Because I knew deep down what my intuition was going to eventually tell me, and I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it.
I'm so glad I did though, I'm so glad that 5 years ago today I took a leap and followed that intuition. For on that trip, I received so many signs, literally. In the town that I most wanted to visit, little Elizabethtown KY (I was a huge fan of the movie by the same name), I found my most significant sign. It was written in chalk on the overpass leading into town. "If you're waiting for a sign, this is it." In colorful letters, it was beautiful.
Looking back on it now, I realize while I was running away, seeking alone time to reconnect, I was also running toward something. Toward what I really wanted in life, toward the way I wanted to be. I was allowing myself to start to become the woman that I knew I was meant to be. And I had no idea exactly how I was going to get there, but I knew it was this way. I share this with you because this is part of the human experience. You will reach a point in life where you start to wriggle and try to free yourself from the things you created, and it will be scary. You'll think, "if this is scary, then maybe I shouldn't do it." oh no, darling. If it's scary, you absolutely need to investigate it more. Especially if you feel the odd draw to keep going toward it. Through these "scary" encounters with our intuition and our deeper selves, we uncovered what we're truly here for. What we truly want out of life. If you don't want what you have. If you want something else but have no idea what. If you want something else that seems a million miles away. If you feel the itch in addition to those feelings, the crawling, wriggling feeling to escape where you're at in life right now. You're ready to take the first step. Get quiet and ask: "What is the next right step for me?" You'll hear the answer, and I'm willing to bet it will be kinda off the beaten path - follow it. Take the weekend vacation. Call that estranged friend. Reach out to me or another coach or mentor who feels "right" to you. And know that in five short years from now, you could be like me, living out the ideals and the dreams that always felt so damn far away. Take the next small step with your intuition leading. I promise you it will be the best thing you've ever done. I love you. You're ready.